Tag Archives: Steven Wright

What’s Your QQ*? #417

(Published March 22, 2015 at Montereyherald.com/lifestyle, Interactive version)


 

1. “The trick in life isn’t getting what you want, my dear, it’s wanting it after you get it.”

 

A. Katharine Hepburn

B. Fyodor Dostoevsky

C. Eldridge Cleaver

 

2. “If all the young ladies who attended the Yale promenade dance were laid end to end, no one would be the least surprised.”

 

A. Irving Berlin

B. John Kerry

C. Dorothy Parker

 

3. “Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.”

 

A. Abraham Lincoln

B. Albert Einstein

C. Jennifer Lopez

 

4. “The thought of death has now become a part of my life. I read the obituaries every day just for the satisfaction of not seeing my name there.”

 

A. Neil Simon

B. Neil deGrasse Tyson

C. Neil Patrick Harris

 

5. “Fame is a fickle food/ Upon a shifting plate.”

 

A. Rachael Ray

B. Emily Dickinson

C. Donald Trump

 

 6. “We sleep, but the loom of life never stops, and the pattern which was weaving when the sun went down is weaving when it comes up in the morning.”

 

A. Yogi Berra

B. Whoopi Goldberg

C. Henry Ward Beecher

 

7. “Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot.”

 

A. Charlie Chaplin

B. Ringo Starr

C. Anwar al-Sadat

 

8. “Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?”

 

A. Steven Spielberg

B. Steven Wright

C. Steven Seagal

 

9. “The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.”

 

A. Marcel Marceau

B. Salvador Dali

C. Mark Twain

 

10. “Every relationship you are in will fail, until one doesn’t.”

 

A. Dan Savage

B. Larry King

C. Al Jolson

 

 

Answers: 1-A, 2-C , 3-B , 4-A , 5-B , 6-C , 7-A , 8-B , 9-C , 10-A

 

Scoring:               10–QQQQ = Quote-Master   

(number correct)        8-9–QQQ = Scholar                       

                                   6-7–QQ = Literate

                                  4-5–Q = Semi-Literate

                                 0-3–No Q = Quote-Dunce

 

BONUS QUOTE:

 

“Mankind is safer when men seek pleasure than when they seek the power and the glory.”

―Geoffrey Gorer

 

(Gorer, 1905-1985, was an English anthropologist and author.)

 

 

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What’s Your QQ*? #415

(Published March 8, 2015 at Montereyherald.com/lifestyle, Interactive version)

 

1. “Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.”

 

A. Plato

B. Sarah Palin

C. Auguste Rodin

 

2.  “The world itself is but a large prison,out of which some are daily led to execution.”

 

A. Sir Edmund Hillary

B. Sir Paul McCartney

C. Sir Walter Raleigh

 

3. “A baby is God’s opinion that life should go on.”

 

A. Carl Sandburg

B. Britney Spears

C. John Dillinger

 

4. “Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens.”

 

A. L. Frank Baum

B. J.R.R. Tolkien

C. J.D. Salinger

 

5. “Nothing stinks like a pile of unpublished writing.”

 

A. Sylvia Browne

B. Sylvia Plath

C. Sylvia Panetta

 

6. “Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body.”

 

A. Ludwig van Beethoven

B. Jack Nicholson

C. Oliver Wendell Holmes

 

7. “A President’s hardest task is not to do what is right, but to know what is right.”

 

A. Lyndon B. Johnson

B. Al Gore

C. Millard Fillmore

 

8. “Lives of great men all remind us/ We can make our lives sublime,/

And, departing, leave behind us/ Footprints on the sands of time.”

 

A. John Lennon

B. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

C. John Steinbeck

 

9. “I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.”

 

A. Steven Wright

B. Benjamin Franklin

C. Mr. Magoo

 

10. “If you want to assert a truth, first make sure it’s not just an opinion that you desperately want to be true.”

 

A. Neil Patrick Harris

B. Neil Diamond

C. Neil deGrasse Tyson

 

Answers: 1-A, 2-C , 3-A , 4-B , 5-B , 6-C , 7-A , 8-B , 9-A , 10-C

 

Scoring:               10–QQQQ = Quote-Master   

(number correct)        8-9–QQQ = Scholar                       

                                   6-7–QQ = Literate

                                  4-5–Q = Semi-Literate

                                 0-3–No Q = Quote-Dunce

 

BONUS QUOTE:

 “We are probably nearing the limit of all we can know about astronomy.” -Simon Newcomb (1888)

 (Newcomb, 1835-1909, was a Canadian-American astronomer and mathematician, and co-founder of  the American Astronomical Society.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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What’s Your QQ*? #366

*Quotation Quotient

(Published March 30, 2014 in the Monterey County Herald.)

 

1. “In times of change, learners inherit the earth, while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists.”

A. Eric Hoffer

B. Eric Clapton

C. Eric Cantor

 

2. “No man ever yet became great by imitation.”

A. Elvis Presley

B. Jimmy Fallon

C. Samuel Johnson

 

3. “You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.”

A. John Barrymore

B. Condoleezza Rice

C. Paul McCartney

 

4. “Were it left to me to decide whether we should have a government without newspapers, or newspapers without a government, I should not hesitate a moment to prefer the latter.”

A. Phil Bowhay

B. Thomas Jefferson

C. Rupert Murdoch

 

5. “Armaments, universal debt and planned obsolescence — those are the three pillars of Western prosperity.”

A. Kim Jong-un

B. Bill Mahr

C. Aldous Huxley

 

6. “Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.”

A. Benjamin Franklin

B. Groucho Marx

C. Jack LaLanne

 

7. “The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.”

A. Immanuel Kant

B. Dorothy Parker

C. Mario Andretti

 

8. “Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don’t have film.”

A. Marilu Henner

B. Mathew Brady

C. Steven Wright

 

9. “She wears her clothes as if they are thrown on with a pitchfork”

A. Jonathan Swift

B. Chelsea Handler

C. Donatella Versace

 

10. “When you cease to make a contribution, you begin to die.”

A. Jerry Lewis

B. Eleanor Roosevelt

C. Warren G. Harding

 

 

Answers1-A, 2- C, 3-A, 4-B , 5-C , 6-A , 7-B , 8-C , 9-A , 10-B

 Scoring:              10–QQQQ = Quote-Master   

(number correct)       8-9–QQQ = Scholar                       

                                  6-7–QQ = Literate

                                 4-5–Q = Semi-Literate

                                 0-3–No Q=Quote-Dunce

 

BONUS QUOTE:

 “The friendships which last are those wherein each friend respects the other’s dignity to the point of not really wanting anything from him.”

- Cyril Connolly

 (Connolly, 1903-1974, was an English novelist and literary critic.)

 

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What’s Your QQ*? #345

*Quotation Quotient

  (Published November 3, 2013 in the Monterey County Herald.)

1. “The sun shines not on us but in us. The rivers flow not past but through us, thrilling, tingling, vibrating every fiber and cell of the substance of our bodies, making them glide and sing.”

A. Chris Rock

B. John Muir

C. Harry Houdini

2. “Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness.”

A. Jacques Cousteau

B. Sandra Bullock

C. Bertrand Russell

3. “A leader is a dealer in hope.”

A. Bill Clinton

B. Barack Obama

C. Napoleon Bonaparte

4. “I make all my decisions on intuition. I throw a spear into the darkness. That is intuition. Then I must send an army into the darkness to find the spear. That is intellect.”

A. Ingmar Bergman

B. Tarzan

C. Henry David Thoreau

5. “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.”

A. Helen Hunt

B. Helen Keller

C. Helen Reddy

6. “It doesn’t matter what temperature the room is, it’s always room temperature.”

A. Steven Wright

B. Thomas Edison

C. Cesar Chavez

7. “The great masses of the people will more easily fall victims to a big lie than to a small one.”

A. Lance Armstrong

B. Calvin Coolidge

C. Adolf Hitler

8. “The most baleful mischiefs may be expected from the unmanly conduct of not daring to face truth because it is unpleasing.”

A. Geoffrey Chaucer

B. Thomas Malthus

C. Jane Parker

9. “It always bothers me to see people writing ‘RIP’ when a person dies. It just feels so insincere and like a cop-out. To me, ‘RIP’ is the microwave dinner of posthumous honors.”

A. John Madden

B. Lou Reed

C. Ralph Waldo Emerson

10. “I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity.”

A. Edgar Allan Poe

B. Tom Cruise

C. Sigmund Freud

 

Answers: 1-B, 2-C , 3-C , 4-A , 5-B , 6-A , 7-C , 8-B , 9-B , 10-A

 Scoring:               10–QQQQ = Quote-Master   

(number correct)        8-9–QQQ = Scholar                       

                                   6-7–QQ = Literate

                                  4-5–Q = Semi-Literate

                                 0-3–No Q = Quote-Dunce

 BONUS QUOTE:

 “Amnesia: The condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.” – Joyce Armor

 (Armor is an American humorist and children’s poet.)

 

 

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